Sara and Brett came together for their first session with cannons loaded and ready to fire upon each other. While they both talked about wanting to learn to communicate better, they admitted that most of their disagreements turned into fights. When I asked them about the intimacy they shared, he said that even "make-up sex" wasn't happening much. Emotional safety wasn't even a concept they could wrap their minds around. Sara and Brett were a bit taken aback when I stopped them from verbally attacking each other. I explained that they were going to have to earn the right to confront each other while rebuilding trust between each of them. Over time, they would learn how to confront issues instead of each other. They agreed to try not to use you in any aggressive or accusatory manner. Instead, they were going to learn to communicate with each other using I and we. This would help them focus on changing behavioral patterns instead of attacking each other.
Over the coming weeks, we explored three specific questions that would help them purposefully work on healing their relationship. I asked them to prayerfully ask God's Holy Spirit to begin to transform their unhelpful behaviors and turn their hearts toward each other. By focusing, first, on the foundation of Brett and Sara's marriage, the couple learned how to establish real mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy. As their emotional connection deepened, they began to respect and trust each other. Brett and Sara learned that God's Holy Spirit was inside of them, championing their marriage while still seeing them as individuals. He wanted them to each take responsibility for their own behaviors as husband and wife and to learn humility and forgiveness. God wanted them to have a purpose-driven marriage.
In Marriage on Purpose, you will also meet Mark and Jillian, a forty-something couple who tragically lost their son in a car accident. Their inability to grieve together was threatening to wreck their marriage. Next, you'll read about Damien and Juanita who are trying to rebuild their relationship after infidelity.
If you've never considered pornography to be a form of infidelity in a marriage, Marriage on Purpose will challenge you to see this problem as a bigger deal than you might have previously considered it. You will also be challenged to consider the impact of abuse on marriage and discover what the next steps are when abuse occurs. How can one spouse truly forgive another? How does God view divorce? Marriage on Purpose will explore these tough questions and send you seeking answers beyond even the pages of this book.
Sara and Brett, Mark and Jillian, Damian and Juanita: All of these couples will learn how to build foundations of intimacy that will help them rediscover the joy of marriage. By turning their hearts toward each other, they will each understand how to own their contributions to the relationship and work together to resolve their differences.
