Boundaries for Caregivers

When you’re in the position of caring for your parent, it’s easy to revert to being a child again, especially if your relationship was never healthy to begin with. It can be difficult to create a boundary as an adult if no boundaries have previously existed. How do we draw that boundary line? Consider how…

generations of caregiving

Squeezed Between Two Generations of Caregiving

I was my dad’s favorite. I don’t think my brothers will argue with me. He was hard on them, easy on me. That’s my girl is a phrase I heard often. He wasn’t given to physical affection. I never remember him saying, “I love you.” But that’s my girl was the same thing. My father’s…

manipulated caregiver

The Manipulated Caregiver

 “What time do you leave for work in the morning?” It’s 7:30 at night, and my mom has called to ask me a seemingly innocuous question. “Usually around 8:00 or so.” My hand grips the phone, waiting for the sucker punch. “Oh,” she says, with a sigh. The silence lengthens. I’m determined to wait her…

I Can’t Hear You

Have you ever ignored someone speaking to you? Perhaps she asked you to do something you didn’t want to do (this is especially pervasive in the teen years). Sometimes I pretend I can’t hear my husband when he asks me for the seventh time how to find a document on the computer. He admits to…

Growing Older – A Caregiver’s Perspective

Where did I leave my glasses? Why did I come into this room?   Speak louder. I can’t hear you. I won’t be able to go to your party; I don’t like to drive at night. Why don’t my kids call? All they want to do is text. If you’re older than sixty-five, you may…

When Caregiving Grows Cold: Caring for an elderly parent

Winter brings short days, inclement weather, and bleak landscapes. Plants die, dropping their withered leaves on barren ground. Sometimes our souls become as stark as leafless trees, or like branches weighted with heavy snow. Have you ever wished for a respite from the daily tasks of caring for an elderly parent? I know that the…

How to Survive the Summer of the Caregiving Season

Summer is when nature turns up the heat. Here in the Sacramento Valley, we grow some of the world’s best food. It wouldn’t be possible without the long, hot, summer days. In the caregiving season, the heat is turned up as well. We’re hit with the stark reality that life is changing, and we better…